That's Poppycock! - Falling in Love With a Schoolbus (Opiate Experience)

Library > Experiences > Falling in Love With a Schoolbus

Author: / anonymous /
Added: 2/11/07

When I discovered opiates during my junior year of high school, I believed all of my problems had been solved. By this time, I had experimented with a lot of different drugs, and had nearly driven myself insane in the process. It started with alcohol and ended with an array of drugs. Marijuana was fun sometimes, but it brought on uncomfortable feelings, such as anxiety and strange thinking. Benzodiazepines made me relaxed and sedated, but even at low doses my memory was negatively affected. I cherish the mind, so I try not do any drugs which can cause permanent damage. Alcohol was a wonderful social lubricant, but it is toxic to every organ in the body and kills brain cells. I hated the idea of drinking ungodly amounts of liquid to get high and the accompanied nausea. I found mushrooms and other psychedelics to be interesting and mind-expanding, but I feared reports of people developing schizophrenia after too much abuse, so I kept the number of uses to half a dozen. Stimulants, like Adderall, Ritalin, and cocaine, gave me this overpowering feeling that I could accomplish anything, but my creativity disappeared. I was a born again socialite on minute, then suddenly I was sitting naked in the bathtub with a razor to my wrist. All of this ended the day a "friend" sold me a single 10 mg Percocet, also known as “school buses,“ and I fell in love.

What was this feeling? It was something remarkable, but it was nothing. Warm waves of pleasure ran through my body. Nothing is great, nothing is horrible. Everything is just okay. For myself, the general effects of opiates and opioids include feeling of warmness throughout the body, sedation, euphoria, itching, and relaxation. At high doses or for opiate-naive folks, this class of drug can cause nausea and vomiting. My favorite opioid was always oxycodone, in the form of OxyContin or its generic equivalent, which I administered intranasally. The good effects don't last forever, and before you can say, "That'll never happen to me," tolerance will have developed and you will be FUCKED.

I started out taking just 15-20mg orally, and eventually had to take 80mg intranasally to feel the slightest high. I had to have at least 120mg per day so I did not get sick, which made me broke and thousands of dollars in debt. Opiates start out fun, and end up turning into a full-time job. You'll find yourself wanting more and more, but never getting enough. You'll lose your sober friends, and find yourself surrounded by junkies like yourself. Maybe you won't end up like that. Maybe you'll be how I used to be, before I got sober. I worked full-time, and did all the things "normal" people do. I love, hate, piss, shit, eat, cry, laugh, and help my grandparents when they need a hand. I volunteer as a tutor at a college and elementary school. If I kept that up, I'd be living on the streets. Some of my friends are slowly dying because they've turned to shooting heroin to solve their problems. Heroin comes with its own wonderful set of problems.

I have a message for all you kiddies out there who think you know what you are doing, who think you can stop at any time, who think this is just a crock of shit, who haven't felt the pain I've felt, who haven't felt like killing themselves over a fucking object the size of a pebble. These pills WILL ruin your life if you abuse them. You and your friends will die or end up with a horrible life. I wish I never even heard of OxyContin. Please stop now. If you are having trouble, do what I did. GET HELP! There are plenty of resources available. I have had the pleasure of speaking with the owner of this site, and I will tell you this: if you e-mail him, he will not hesitate to provide you with a whole bunch of resources to help get your shit together. Do it for your family. Do it for your friends. Most of all, do it for yourself. You don't want to end up 65 years old, dying, with nothing left because of a stupid little pill that could make you feel good for 4 hours. I AM BEGGING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. STOP THE MADNESS. BREAK THE CYCLE, FOR I ONCE FEARED THAT I COULD NOT. I didn‘t give up, and that was a good start. I still go to therapy, and it helps. There is hope. Just believe.

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