The Samadhi - That’s Poppycock!

April 8, 2008

A Ranting and Raving: The Event Characterized as the First Moment of Non-Existence of the Physical Form

Filed under: The Samadhi — admin @ 8:22 pm

We don’t know how much time we will have on this planet, yet too many of us continue to live in fear of this inevitable event. I can’t say that I’m not afraid or even that I am afraid because I simply don’t understand it. All we know of it are its residual effects, which only affect those still here and not those who actually experience this. We don’t know what it is or what happens after this event, just that the physical form is no longer in existence. We spend much of our time doing things that are supposed to prevent this time from coming sooner, then we negate it with a spur of the moment decision. Where I am going with this, I do not know, but what I do know is this — we have but one life. (more…)

March 30, 2008

Guilty Gambling

Filed under: The Samadhi — admin @ 8:18 pm

Today I decided it would be a grand idea to venture down to Atlantic City, NJ. What started off as a fun, temperated trip turned into a cesspool of mental anguish stemming from guilt. Needless to say, I gambled away more money than I had originally planned. It is such a terrible feeling. I suppose that given my history with drug addiction, a gambling problem isn’t necessarily out of the question for me. I think imposing a few different “gambling rules” on myself might help me out. (more…)

March 25, 2008

Restless Legs at Work

Filed under: The Samadhi — admin @ 7:48 pm

In some areas of my life, I couldn’t ask for an inkling more, in fact, I’ve never been happier in some aspects. I have a wonderful, healthy relationship with the woman of my dreams, I’ve got a roof over my head, and I have my health at this present moment; however, some things I think I am better left far away from. I’m growing increasing restless at my workplace. I feel that the number of things I would dub “bullsh*t” are growing rapidly on a daily basis. I signed up for one thing, and I got that for the first four months. Gradually, I’ve ended up feeling like my bosses secretary in some cases, wishing that I could just run away as fast as possible. (more…)

January 29, 2008

Caught in the Crossfire

Filed under: The Samadhi — admin @ 8:32 pm

I had a pretty crazy dream last night that caused me to wake up rather violently at 1:26 AM today. I was down the shore somewhere driving down the street. I saw a police car gaining on me rather fast with their sirens a-blazing, so I pulled over to the side of the road, which happened to be right at the front of someone’s yard. The curb was curved there instead of being the typical rectangular prism shape, which allowed my car to pull onto the grass rather easily.

I was expecting to be pulled over by this cop, but instead he made a left and whizzed right by me. Then the officer driving the vehicle slammed on his brakes and busted a quick u-turn back in my direction. The officer pulled onto the grass right in front of my car, right next to the steps leading into the house. Both officers jumped out of the car, guns drawn. (more…)

January 27, 2008

A Life Update!

Filed under: The Samadhi — admin @ 11:27 pm

I express in words just how happy I’ve been lately. Like a well-constructed puzzle, my life just seemed to come together ever-so perfectly in “the end.” I say “the end” because, while there are so many new beginnings, there are also many things that have come to a screeching halt. I recently celebrated one year of clean time, and while that seems like a majestic feat, I still recognize the fact that I have much more work to do and so many more feats to accomplish.

In late August 2007, I was “discovered” by some of my superiors, and given a promotion from the lowest menial position to a job which requires a certain skill and expertise. In November 2007, I purchased my first brand new vehicle, a 2008 Hyundai Accent GS! For once in my life, I haven’t remained stagnant. While I worked all through my active addiction, I did not excel in any particular area. I did the very least to get by, and I believed myself to be satisfied. Oh how false this feeling was. I now lead a life characterized by constant and consistent attempts to better myself. Self-improvement. Self-betterment. I believe it to be extremely important that we not get to complacent in certain areas of our lives.

I took about six months off from dating, and really got to be okay by myself, on life’s terms. While I was plagued by constant solitude, I accepted this as a part of the passing of active addiction. All of my “friends” still used, but I no longer wanted any part of it. I actually separated myself from that group of people long before I actually got clean, which made me digress further and further into the nightmare that addiction causes. One would assume that separating themselves from that sort of lifestyle would help, but it did the opposite. It may have been the action that led me to my eventual quitting, but I choose not to dwell on what brought me to that point because it is not what matters. The thing that matters most is that I got clean, and I am now living a much healthier life.

About two months ago, I met a beautiful young lady, named Brooke, who I instantly fell in love with. The story often makes me thing about how different things can be just by altering one small decision. Earlier that night, my sister asked me if I could drive her to an NA meeting. I originally told her that I couldn’t, as I wanted to go out that night. Not long after saying I wouldn’t drive her, I felt guilt creep up on me, and changed my mind. About fifteen minutes after deciding to drive her, I decided to sit in on the meeting because I hadn’t been to an NA meeting in months.

We journeyed to the meeting, which was about 15 minutes away from my house. Brooke was chairing the meeting, which was nice because it gave me a legitimate reason to look her way without the creepers being released into the atmosphere. :) Afterwards, we all went out to Applebee’s for dinner. I had never gone out with anyone after an NA meeting, but it definitely a fun time. Brooke, my sister, and another girl rode in my car. We got there, sat next to each other, and conversation flowed freely.

This was the person I’ve conjured up in my mind quite some time ago with added bonuses! I didn’t think it was possible for someone so perfect in every way, not to mention absolutely beautiful, to exist on this planet. This planet… where horrible things happen… where people are dying of starvation… where wars take place every day. It’s unfathomable. Throughout the night I kept dropping subtle hints, indicating my, in hindsight, obvious interest. I kept saying, “Where have you been all my life!?” I tried to sound as sarcastic as possible, but I really meant it. Since that night, my thoughts and feelings have only been further reinforced. I can’t put into words the exact nature of my feelings, but those who believe in, and have felt, love know what I’m talking about. There is nothing in the world that compares to the feeling one gets when with the object of his affection — his lover — his soulmate.

For the first time in my life, things are going great and I am happy.

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