I express in words just how happy I’ve been lately. Like a well-constructed puzzle, my life just seemed to come together ever-so perfectly in “the end.” I say “the end” because, while there are so many new beginnings, there are also many things that have come to a screeching halt. I recently celebrated one year of clean time, and while that seems like a majestic feat, I still recognize the fact that I have much more work to do and so many more feats to accomplish.
In late August 2007, I was “discovered” by some of my superiors, and given a promotion from the lowest menial position to a job which requires a certain skill and expertise. In November 2007, I purchased my first brand new vehicle, a 2008 Hyundai Accent GS! For once in my life, I haven’t remained stagnant. While I worked all through my active addiction, I did not excel in any particular area. I did the very least to get by, and I believed myself to be satisfied. Oh how false this feeling was. I now lead a life characterized by constant and consistent attempts to better myself. Self-improvement. Self-betterment. I believe it to be extremely important that we not get to complacent in certain areas of our lives.
I took about six months off from dating, and really got to be okay by myself, on life’s terms. While I was plagued by constant solitude, I accepted this as a part of the passing of active addiction. All of my “friends” still used, but I no longer wanted any part of it. I actually separated myself from that group of people long before I actually got clean, which made me digress further and further into the nightmare that addiction causes. One would assume that separating themselves from that sort of lifestyle would help, but it did the opposite. It may have been the action that led me to my eventual quitting, but I choose not to dwell on what brought me to that point because it is not what matters. The thing that matters most is that I got clean, and I am now living a much healthier life.
About two months ago, I met a beautiful young lady, named Brooke, who I instantly fell in love with. The story often makes me thing about how different things can be just by altering one small decision. Earlier that night, my sister asked me if I could drive her to an NA meeting. I originally told her that I couldn’t, as I wanted to go out that night. Not long after saying I wouldn’t drive her, I felt guilt creep up on me, and changed my mind. About fifteen minutes after deciding to drive her, I decided to sit in on the meeting because I hadn’t been to an NA meeting in months.
We journeyed to the meeting, which was about 15 minutes away from my house. Brooke was chairing the meeting, which was nice because it gave me a legitimate reason to look her way without the creepers being released into the atmosphere. Afterwards, we all went out to Applebee’s for dinner. I had never gone out with anyone after an NA meeting, but it definitely a fun time. Brooke, my sister, and another girl rode in my car. We got there, sat next to each other, and conversation flowed freely.
This was the person I’ve conjured up in my mind quite some time ago with added bonuses! I didn’t think it was possible for someone so perfect in every way, not to mention absolutely beautiful, to exist on this planet. This planet… where horrible things happen… where people are dying of starvation… where wars take place every day. It’s unfathomable. Throughout the night I kept dropping subtle hints, indicating my, in hindsight, obvious interest. I kept saying, “Where have you been all my life!?” I tried to sound as sarcastic as possible, but I really meant it. Since that night, my thoughts and feelings have only been further reinforced. I can’t put into words the exact nature of my feelings, but those who believe in, and have felt, love know what I’m talking about. There is nothing in the world that compares to the feeling one gets when with the object of his affection — his lover — his soulmate.
For the first time in my life, things are going great and I am happy.