Holy shit… it’s been a while

I regret that I stopped posting blogs and searching my soul for words to inspire and help others.  I had a really good run with sobriety… but, unfortunately I did relapse and after all those words I posted I fell back into the lifestyle.  Does that mean everything I said was bullshit?  I’d like to think not.  Every word came from the depths of my soul at the time I wrote them.  I was truely clean when I wrote them, and I felt divinely inspired to write them… so no, it wasn’t bullshit.  It is however, really amazing how convictions can change over time.  My convictions were so strong about staying clean and helping others stay clean.  I can’t say that I even have a clue as to what changed them for the worst but, they’ve been changed back to positive for two+ years now.  I got clean again in August of 2008.  I can’t remember when I relapsed so I can’t determine how long I was using for but, I know I’m never going back.  On January 27, 2009 my first daughter was born and she is the singular savior of my life and rescuer of my soul.  Now, I have two daughters, a fiancee, and the beginnings of two careers.  4 years, 6 months, 8 days and 12 hours earlier I was dead on the floor being resuscitated by my bro.  Pretty cool how that works huh?  He’s really a hero when you think about the fact that he not only gave me a second chance at life but, he also gave my daughters and their  future children a first chance at life.   And his heroism is being put to good use.  For whatever reason, the powers that be put him in the position to save me from death and that same higher power gave him the strength to do what he did so, all of those stars aligning to keep lil’ ol’ me here on this planet cannot be something that I take lightly.  Which is… i guess… the reason why I am now beginning a career as a massage therapist. 

When I was a little boy I went to catholic classes once a week for a couple years.  The one thing that really stuck in my memory was the mental image of Jesus Christ healing people with his touch.  As a young boy, I thought that would be the coolest thing in the world to be able to do… I pictured it as selflessly absorbing people’s diseases and neutralizing them within my own body.  Now, as a mature adult who has seen so much suffering via heroin addiction, I am equipped with the reasoning, the life lessons, the skills, and most importantly – the intention – to heal people with my touch.  Of course, as a massage therapist I am not miraculously curing the ill but, I am using manual muscular and soft tissue manipulation techniques to facilitate the body’s own natural capacity to heal itself.  I feel like the era of heroin addiction has come full circle for me and I can finally leave it behind for good.  I’ll never forget the memories and the lessons I’ve learned through those years but, I am ready to utilize my experiences to help others heal.  I have much more to say but can’t right now… parenting duties call….

to all of you suffering out their… keep pushing on.  The light at the end of the tunnel is NOT a freight train coming your way…. it is the light of redemption, love, and life….  I have faith in you.

This entry was posted in Diary of a Heroin Addict. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply