I was going to call this blog “Ten Things I Hate About Heroin”. But I think that hate might be too strong of a word for my relationship with heroin. Although I have been clean for quite some time now, I have never regretted getting involved with the stuff in the first place. Sure, I’ve overdosed, been incarcerated, spent a shit load of money I shouldn’t have spent, and I still have some slight remnants of the scars on my arms but, I still don’t regret it. I’ve been burned, robbed, betrayed by “friends”, and probably lied as much as I’ve been lied to but, I still don’t regret it. I don’t regret it because there’s things you can learn about yourself from your addiction. My addiction definately paved the way for a more fulfilling life (after I maintained my recovery of course). I now have a more supportive and better group of friends, I have a greater appreciation for the money I earn every other week, I appreciate that I CAN even work on a day to day basis without heroin. Hell, I’m grateful that I can FUNCTION without the shit…
Doesn’t a drug like heroin seem to miss the point in being a drug? I always felt drugs were a means of recreation that should be used appropriately. It’s impossible to use heroin in that way! I’m sure maybe at first you can get away with it. At first it doesn’t seem to be as bad as D.A.R.E made it sound to be, you can still function in society, one bag lasts a couple days but, that all ends. Explain to me what on Earth would possess a person to continue using any drug after that first throwing up experience most people have on heroin! But, I can’t deny my enjoyment for the rush but, in retrospect it’s just not friggen worth it! Who’s honestly willing to throw their whole life away and spend it poor and dippin… assuming you don’t wind up dead? You? I hope not, it’s a pretty sad existence. But it’s the inevitable ending of every heroin addicts’ story… unless you wake up and get out while you can.
It can be hard to get out though. I can quite vividly remember moments where I just didn’t care about “recovery”. I had my suboxone and could’ve taken it but, I would just much rather get high. But just my luck, that behavior led to my first and only overdose. So maybe that’s what got me out, but I can’t say for sure. I’ve still craved since then, I’ve still been tempted to use but, something deep within myself keeps stopping me. I just recently held two grams of heroin in my hand and surprisingly I had no desire to use it… of course the chances of that dealer actually having good shit is slim to none… but, the part that is strange to me is that I had no desire at all to use. Now, maybe that is because I knew I was holding shitty shit, but I think some deeper reason stopped me. Can I say I’m cured? I don’t think so… But it’s a god damn good start.
And here’s a list of things that tends to keep my recovery in perspective… I call this list
10 Incentives to Quit
1. I won’t have to experience withdrawal any more
2. I’ll no longer have to fear for my freedom
3. I’ll have more money to do more fulfilling things with
4. My life won’t be a roller coaster of emotions anymore
5. Trust between myself and my friends and family will be rebuilt
6. Pride will swell among the people I love
7. I will be in the small percentage of people who quit heroin (statisically there is a 60% success rate with suboxone and a 10% success rate with methadone which I believe includes both heroin and other opiate users)
8. I will feel comfortable wearing short sleeve shirts again
9. I won’t feel or look like a damned drug addict anymore!
10. With help I will learn to understand my disease
I know all these incentives to be true from experience.
This is just a handful of incentives to quit. I encourage everyone who reads this to post atleast one other reason I didn’t think of in the form of a comment. You may have to take a couple minutes to sign up, but hey, if your perspective helps someone else make progress with their addiction isn’t it worth it?
(after all, that’s why I write these blogs anyway)