life after rebirth

rebirth is a hard concept to digest and assimilate.  I thought that I had experienced it once; years ago… but in the long scheme of my life it was but an awakening in the middle of a nightmare…. only to be pulled back in.  I fell into blissful sleep once before the nightmare… years ago…

my life made sense… my goals… inexplicably laid out before me… love.. passion… desire… dreams and giving… the way a bird regurgitates her hunt down the throat of her offspring… bitter with stomach acid but fermenting with the stuff of life.  the kind of love that burns the throat…  the kind of love that we all strive for… whether we realize it or not… true love is always bitter sweet… it prompts a reach towards fullness… a fullness u can only achieve through the oppressive love of a mother mixed with years of mistakes and miseries that boil through your contours and create your unique form within the atmospheric pressures of earthly space.

I can honestly say I’m clean now… steel shafts no longer pierce my emotional armor… chemical gods no longer seek to subdue my upward climbing soul… i’m now hindered by my old insecurities i never before faced…. the doubts that led me towards self destruction in the first place… why did i ever flick that wax-paper bag?  why did the vacuum inside the needle steal my awe from the magesty of the vacuum of space… both inner AND outer… why did my appreciation of life ever get pushed and compressed into this tiny box of plague that ruined every meaningful relationship in my life and almost killed me?  How did this piece of flesh defer so greatly from the divine will of the inherit spirit within?  How did such a divine creation become something so devoid of anything venerable?  Heroin…… that’s how… but luckily… the divine is a force greater than opiates…

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