One day at a time…

The “One day at a time”(o.d.a.a.t) approach to dealing with any kind of addiction is great.  It kind of helps you to remember, “Hey, this is life.  It sucks sometimes but, I can get through this”.  But, I’d like to expand that concept a little bit.  I don’t take it one day at a time, I take it one moment at a time.  Sometimes even one breath at a time.

A craving can come out of the blue at any time of the day and be triggered by any stimulant.  Some cravings, as I’m sure you all know quite well, are like a tapeworm in your intestines sucking all the enjoyment out of everything.  Where as some cravings are more like an annoying fly that is being pretty persistent about residing it’s ass on your face.  So obviously, some cravings are easier than others to overcome, subdue or whatever it is that you do to your cravings.  I word it like that because it’s a good habit to refer to your cravings as something outside of you.  The craving is not you!  Or, you are not the craving.  The craving is outside and under you, you do not need to let yourself be controlled or possessed by it.  It’s like saying you are your emotions.  You are not sad, you are merely feeling sad.  You are not mad, you are feeling it.  It’s not you, it’s a sensation you are experiencing and you’ll be happy to know, it’s never permanent.  Just like…. you guessed it, your cravings.  You are not craving, you are feeling a craving.  Once you make that distinction between yourself and your cravings it’ll be easier to push the cravings aside and move on with your life.

But despite all that, cravings are still inevitable and you must be able to say no to it, or if you can’t say no outright you still need to be able to get yourself somewhere safe.  Somewhere where you won’t have any access to your drug of choice  or around friends that don’t do it.  That’s where the o.d.a.a.t method comes into play.  Or for me, the “live for every moment” method.  For example, if I’m walking to the store and I start to crave I’ll start to focus on my walking.  I try to determine if I walk in a symmetrical fashion.  I notice that I tend to put more of the load on my right side.  So I focus my attention to correct the problem and I’ve forgotten all about my craving.  Such a simple thing, and I don’t think most people even scrutinize themselves on that level. If that alone doesn’t dispel my craving then I let myself notice each breath I take, I take in the smells and the beautiful spring weather around me.  I try to distinguish between the different things I’m hearing.  But as much as I try to harmonize with everything outside of me, I look inward just as much too.  I’ve noticed some innate qualities about myself that I would’ve have never noticed before.  I think every hardship you face in your life has the singular intention of stimulating self awareness.  But often times people pity themselves or react in anger and they miss the point every time.  Use your addiction and your cravings to teach you something about yourself.

This entry was posted in Diary of a Heroin Addict. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to One day at a time…

  1. Sashey8 says:

    You are one heck of a writer.Did you ever think of writing a book on your experience with your addiction.I found myself feeling everything you were writing. I was wrapped up in your words.You are an amazing writer.Thank about keeping a journal and some day sharing it with the world.I would be proud to read it and honered.. Sincerely sashey8@aol.com PS I was always afraid of needles and smoking anything you had to liquify. But pills were so easy to take fo rme. I am so amazed how you have helped other just by your words.I have no cravings but emotionally I believe I could have them if I though long enough about it. BUT so far no cravings. Thank you for your blog.

  2. branman says:

    Thanks for the kind words about my writing. I am actually in the slow process of writing a book but, it is still in it’s infant stages. So hopefully someday my full experience will be available. It’s quite a reward hearing that I’m helping people because that’s my intention. For anyone that ever needs to vent or ask me something my email is brandon@themerls.com I’d like to do what I can.

    Peace

  3. VANESSA80 says:

    HI, MY NAME IS VANESSA, AND I’M WRITING FROM ITALY…
    WE ARE REALLY FAR AWAY, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU TO GO ON!!
    YOU ARE DOING VERY WELL!!
    I WAS AN HEROIN ADDICTED WHEN I WAS 18 SINCE 20.
    NOW I’M 27 AND I AM REALLY OUT OF THAT SHIT!!
    7 YEARS ARE GONE, AND I FEEL REALLY HAPPY, FINE.

    I HOPE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME.

    IF YOU WANT TO WRITE ME, THIS IS THE ADDRESS: LITTLEBUTTERFLY10@ALICE.IT.

    I WOULD BE REALLY HAPPY TO KNOW YOU BETTER.

    CIAO CIAO,

    VANESSA

  4. bottlecappie says:

    I came across your blog just before I began taking suboxone, and it was this post about cravings that I read. When I left work yesterday, the craving hit, the wanting to go home and get high. But your words were right there: the craving isn’t you, it’s outside of you.

    I waved my hand across the front of my body and to the side, like I was clearing away smoke, and I kept on walking. The craving passed, and quickly. So I made it through that first day and night, and now I’ve made it through my second day and night.

    Thank you for putting your words here, you helped me, and I’m wishing you well tonight.

  5. singlmom says:

    I’m new here and probably won’t be as poetic as everyone else. But here it goes. It’s Saturday morning and I’ve been awake since 5 in the morning. Probably because yesterday I made the decision to take back control of my life…I set up an appt. With a suboxone clinic, and I’m not sure if it’s because every month at this time I’m out of pills or I really am tired of being a slave to something made in a lab somewhere. Right now I’m still using but they tell me as of Wednesday I have to stop. I have to be in withdrawals. I do this a lot and I am scared every time. It’s horrible. I’m still adjusting to being a single mom and my kids are young,6 and 3, taking care of them during withdrawal is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. So as I am filled with anxiety as I face my punishment for submitting myself to the new man in my life Mr. Percocet, I think of all of the things I need to do before Wednesday, laundry, cleaning etc. So I’m not depriving my kids of anything. But I’m scared to do death, many things run through my mind, am I gonna survive the withdrawals, is this medicine gonna work and how am I gonna make it through life without my emotion numbing friend? I have gotten to the point where I don’t know how or even want to talk to anybody without being high. My dearest friend makes me the nicest person in the world, full of smiles and laughter. Now that its time for my friend to go, I have to face the world all by myself. How? Do I really have to face my pain knowing I have a friend in the world that can make it all go away? And will people still like me without it? The fear is consuming me. Why can’t I have been an addict with something else? Like cleaning? I have watched my friend destroy my life and not even care. I guess I really love my friend. Again, I’m scared to death and if anyone has a word of hope I’d love to hear it? Has anyone had a seizure from percocet withdrawal? Please respond ASAP!

  6. redwine111 says:

    I need to stop using heroin. keep writing.

  7. joey spencer says:

    i think it sounds like the way you describe dealing with a craving, that it’s kind of like AVRT. (Addictive voice recognition training) Recognizing that your addiction does not have to be you, and you don’t have to be it. I think to many addicts consider their addiction to be all that they are. Like they have no other part of them except that. What i found after 20+ years of fighting with that part of myself is that, i’m not just a junkie, im a father, brother, son, friend and a shit load of other things. I also found that no-one can help me but me. I can get support, encouragement, and an ear to listen to me. But i’m the only one inside myself and the only one who can change what i don’t like about myself. What *I* don’t don’t like, not what some old guy sitting in some meeting every night spouting contradictions at younger people about ” “relapse is a part of recovery” or “You have a disease that you have no power over” really? or the best load of crap they tell you, “you have to have a higher power or you will never stay clean” Relapse is a part of using. period. and i am not diseased, i have a disorder, and i will beat it by treating that disorder as such. and let me ask those who think they have to have a higher power to stay clean a question, have you ever prayed to god to take away your compulsion to use? How’s that working out for ya? this has nothing to do with god, or your relationship with, It is about you and your relationship with yourself. If you think this makes sense and want to have more conversations on it then please listen and call in to my radio show or stop by my blog too. Brandon, thank you for letting me comment.

  8. joey spencer says:

    yo man i just spent an 20 minutes writing on here and when i submitted it, it just disappeared. nice dude. i guess what i have to say isnt as important as you. peace dude

Leave a Reply